Aruba to Santa Marta

It’s an awkward thing, this failing to learn from experience.

But it does give me something to write about.

Or it would if the consequences did not risk offending readers of a delicate disposition.

I forgot that you mustn’t put kitchen roll down the loo on a boat.

So, now the head is blocked and we are still 200 miles from Santa Marta. Moreover, this part of the Caribbean is notoriously rough (something to do with the trade winds pushing the water round the top of South America). Anyway, the boat is rolling through 60° every two seconds and the prospect of contorting myself in the back of the plumbing to clear the joker valve doesn’t bear thinking about.

So, I have made other arrangements – and no, you’re quite safe, I’m not going to describe them here.

But this has meant that I thought: “Now, if this was a long trip, it would make good copy for a “Voyage” book (if you don’t know about the voyage books, I’ll put a link to the latest at the end.)

Then, I thought: “Why does it have to be a book? It could be a blog post.”

Because, yes, this trip from Aruba to Colombia is a bit of a voyage.

It doesn’t need to be. Johannes and Ana on the next boat in the anchorage off Surfside Beach had planned to do it in less than 48 hours. Why didn’t I sail in company? It would be good to have a buddy boat… especially for this passage.

Ah yes, the passage around Punta Gallinas is famous in sailing circles – or at least in the circles which pay attention. Had I not read what Jimmy Cornell said?

“You need to stay well offshore. The effect of the mountains deflecting the wind means you have to multiply the forecast by three times. That means a forecast of 15kts is going to create winds of 45ks – a full gale!”

Also, you need to stay well away from the coast of Venezuela to keep clear of the pirates. It used to be Colombian drug gangs who didn’t like witnesses that were the problem but now, with the collapse of the Venezuelan economy, the fisherman have turned to holding up boats and stripping them of valuables.

Johannes said that if we left on Saturday we would have a forecast of 5kts round the Cape (which would mean 15kts) and if we stuck to the 2000 metre line, that would keep us out of the way of the worst of the swell as well as the pirates.  Anyway, he was planning to turn off his AIS and just carry a forward-facing steaming light at night.

A lot of cruising boats “buddy up”. There’s the safety factor, obviously – and the social aspect of a schedule for radio checks.

But it’s not something I’ve ever done. Indeed, back aboard Samsara with a loose arrangement to leave in company after breakfast on Saturday, I began to feeling anxious.

Honestly, there was nothing to feel anxious about: This was a perfectly charming couple who had graciously invited me to sail with them round a particularly challenging part of the coast. I should accept, and be glad to do so.

So why was I getting in a state about it.

I had never experienced anything quite like it before. I found myself climbing out into the cockpit and then turning round and coming back, suddenly getting up and sitting down again, performing that trademark gesture which other people call “running your fingers through your hair” – something I gave up doing a long time ago.

I swore I was having palpitations. I was certainly sweating – but with the air temperature of 35°C and humidity at 68%, that’s no surprise. All the same, anybody might think I was having a panic attack.

I looked up panic attacks: “Most people experience panic attacks once or twice during their lifetimes”.

On the Friday, Johannes came round to make the final arrangements and to invite me ashore for a kebab. I’m afraid I was full of excuses. I didn’t think there would be enough wind on Saturday – the 2000 metre line was only 50 miles off the Cape. I always leave 100 miles just to be sure. I had a few last minute things to do…

It sounded lame – like the flurry of embarrassment and excuses when the owner of the large catamaran in Falmouth asked me to take his son to Jersey because he felt the lad needed some experience of small boats.

The fact is, as I told Johannes: “I just like being on my own. I’m used to it. I get all flustered if I have to think about other people. It’s odd, I know but…”

Johannes understood completely. He had been a singlehander before Ana and recalled a couple of embarrassing incidents himself when it came to other people.

And so, it wasn’t until the Sunday morning that I spent two hours readying the boat for sea – stowing the table, screwing down the cabin sole, securing the lockers against a capsize – and, at the same time, rigging the Super Zero because the windy app showed plenty of blue for “light winds”.

Waypoint One was 100 miles off the Cape – and also, coincidentally, 100 miles from Aruba. For the first time with Samsara, I sailed with the AIS switched off – one concession the the Venezuelan pirates. It did feel a bit peculiar at first, seeing the screen with just me on it, but then I thought back to the old days when we didn’t have identification beacons – when we set off and got lost for a bit until we found ourselves surprisingly close to our destination and the next thing anyone would hear from us would be that we’d arrived.

The feeling of isolation was the thing I liked best about it. If you’ve read Old Man Sailing, you’ll know my views on Health & Safety as it relates to Old People. If I’m overdue my family are under strict instructions not to raise the alarm – either I’ll turn up or I won’t.

But now I’ve got Starlink because I got fed up with SIM cards not working and the WhatsApp calls from waterfront bars being drowned out by full-volume reggae. However, clearly there’s more I need to know about it because when I tried to connect to find out whether the lightning I could see on the horizon was forecast to get in my way, the screen informed that my service was “restricted”.

This might be because I don’t really understand it yet and have confused “roaming” with “priority”. However, I suspect it might also have something to do with some of the rude things I’ve written about Elon Musk.

So, it turns out that this is a proper voyage after all – albeit one in miniature.

For a hundred miles until Waypoint One – and for another hundred to Waypoint Two – and so on as I skirted the Cape at a respectful distance, the boat rolled and swooped on her way and I eased back into the rhythm of the sea.

I am aware of having spent an entire afternoon just sitting in the cockpit watching the waves. I read two books in quick succession, stopped worrying about the news I was missing because, since the American election result, I have been avoiding all sources of news anyway.

Instead I have just some downloads from the Desert Island Discs archive. I think that if ever I’m invited (and I keep my list of eight records up to date just in case) I will take as my one luxury, the Desert Island Discs archive – or would that be considered just too sycophantic?

I have a passenger. I thought I saw a tail disappearing under the galley a couple of days ago. I even went as far as emptying out all the saucepans and taking up the floor but there was no evidence. Believe me, the last thing you want on a boat is an unwanted guest.

People talk a lot about cockroaches and the need to avoid bringing cardboard packaging onto the boat – you can see people unpacking all their supplies on the dock. But I’m sure this is a mouse.

To begin with I was worried it might be a rat – the rats in New York grow as big as cats. But now I’ve met him face to face and christened him Arnold. I call all my pets Arnold. It saves confusion.

Arnold appeared again tonight. It was three in the morning and I had just passed Waypoint Three and changed course for a point just ten miles from Santa Marta with an ETA of breakfast time tomorrow.

I was sitting on what is ostensibly the leeward berth (although, with the wind behind and the boat rolling, it doesn’t make much difference) when I caught a movement on the mast support where the clarinet is stowed. At first, I thought it was a moth because it seemed to flit to the bookcase. But then, there it was again. This time I got up and went to investigate and there – as large as life and right under my nose, clinging to the ligature was the bold-as-brass rodent staring straight back at me with an expression that seemed to say: “Oh yeah, so you’ve found me. Bully for you. What are you going to do about it?”

It was a good question – particularly since, before I had any chance of answering, the visitor was down the mast support faster than the eye could follow, hopped into the head and disappeared under the plumbing. I know how inaccessible that is because that’s where I’m going to have to go sometime soon to clear the joker valve.

Of course, I know what you’re going to say: Why didn’t I grab him while I had the chance?

Well, my first thought was that, despite Arnold being a pet and all that, mice can carry rabies can’t they? The one thing I know about rabies is that the only way to confirm a case of rabies is from the symptoms when it’s too late or by a post-mortem, (when it’s definitely too late). This means that if you go to a doctor with even a suspicion you might have been bitten by a rabid creature, they wheel you off straight away for a full course of very unpleasant injections with very long needles into the stomach.

So, I think it would be better if I don’t try and handle him until we’re better acquainted. Consequently, I have my very large and lightweight check shorts from Grenada to hand (they’ve been to hand the whole way, since I haven’t worn a stitch since leaving Aruba). The plan is to throw these over him and, before he knows what’s going on, bundle him into the big saucepan; which now sits ready on the stove – the lid close by so that the whole operation can be carried out in the blink of an eye.

Quite what I’m going to do with him then rather depends on when I catch him: If this was day three of a voyage to the other side of the world, obviously I would have to construct a suitable home for him (two plastic storage baskets came to mind, until I thought about how quickly he could chew his way out.)

The tales of mice chewing their way through boats are enough to put you off keeping one entirely. Apparently, they love electric cables (what about my brand new lithium batteries?) If they get their teeth into a seawater inlet hose, they can sink the boat.

For a moment there, I considered that Santa Marta is quite a big town. I’m sure they sell rat poison. But that idea soon went the way of a one-way trip to Davy Jones’s locker. Instead I’ve got this idea of releasing him into the wild – of taking him ashore in the big saucepan and releasing him into a pile of junk in the corner of the boatyard like Audrey Hepburn turning “Cat” out of the taxi in Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

In the meantime I keep thinking I see movement in the corner of my eye and reaching for the big shorts.

Here’s a law of nature: The bigger the project, the more something is likely to go wrong.

I had been a bit surprised that when I ran the engine to power the watermaker, it didn’t also boost the batteries – after all, the watermaker only draws 16amps – the alternator produces 70 or 80. Where was all that going? The starter battery voltage was up at 14V, the DC/DC charger should have been putting the excess into the lithium bank – I’m sure that’s what it did when we tested it in the marina.

Now – nothing.

Of course this isn’t really a problem – with only 70 miles to go, I should be in by tomorrow and although the wind has fallen light and the sky is slightly cloudy, the percentage charge has never dropped by more than 5% a day. I still have 48% and even if that did fall to zero, it would be no worse than your mobile phone going flat.

But a bit concerning all the same – especially since I can’t find the DC/DC charger. I remember seeing it – but that was before Rob installed it and, although he was most meticulous in keeping me up to speed with where he was putting everything, I’m afraid a lot of it went over my head. The only place I haven’t looked is in the locker under the liferaft and although I could get it out at sea, it’s a whole lot easier in the marina and, anyway, I’d need to have Rob on WhatsApp at the same time to tell me which warning light means what and I can’t do that with no Starlink.

It’ll just have to go on the list – underneath clearing the joker valve and – since yesterday – unwrapping the topping lift from where it’s got itself hooked around the radar reflector.

Meanwhile, I’m slipping along at two knots with the super zero and, with 60 miles to go, the plotter hasn’t even thought about an ETA, so I have plenty of time and have looking at the Grand Plan – which would have been more fruitful if I had a better knowledge of geography. I thought Guatemala was south of Honduras. Now it turns out to be north.

This is awkward because HMG (that’s His Majesty’s Government) has suddenly decided that citizens of Honduras must have a visa to enter the UK. Quite reasonably, the government of Honduras has reciprocated – and the only places I can get a Honduran visa are London or, apparently, the two neighbouring countries of Nicaragua (to the south) and Guatemala (north). I have been warned off Nicaragua as being distinctly dodgy and getting to Guatemala’s Rio Dulce and then taking a bus 200 miles to Guatemala City seems a bit of a trek – particularly since I would then have to sail back the way I’d come to get to where I was going in the first place: that jewel of the Honduran coast, the Bay Islands.

And if I’m not going there, then is Mexico a practical proposition?

Besides, who wants to go to Mexico now I’ve opened The Panama Cruising guide which was waiting for me in the giant Amazon parcel on arrival in Aruba. This 500-page full-colour doorstop is the Panama cruiser’s bible. The author, Eric Bauhaus has devoted his life to his subject (including no fewer than 50 transits of the Panama Canal) and it is quite clear that I could spend my whole three-month visa in the country and still not scratch the surface.

Come to that, I could spend three months in the San Blas Islands.

This enormous archipelago of the most delightful tropical anchorages and exquisite coral reefs is effectively a country in its own right – although the Guna people who live there don’t have much truck with such modern notions as borders or immigration forms – although visitors at each island are expected to introduce themselves to the local chief and behave with the utmost decorum.

For more than five hundred years, the Guna have preserved their culture and traditions in the face of progress. For instance, instead of TV and the Internet, the whole village gathers every evening to hear the wisdom of the elders – with selected members of the audience delegated to shriek if it gets too boring.

What did I say about all pets being called Arnold? Of course, there are exceptions – all swallows are called “Sammy”.

Sammy the swallow arrived for the last leg and has been flitting about the boat all day, first on the guardrails and graduating eventually to the companionway where I had to nudge him out of the way every time I wanted to get in or out. He ended up sitting on my shoulder like a pirate’s parrot. Should I call him Captain Flint instead?

Here’s something I never wondered before: It used to be said that everybody had a dream about meeting the Queen – and, of course, it would be in the most bizarre circumstances. Do they now have dreams of meeting the King?

Anyway, tonight it was the Queen – which is why I am sitting here at midnight with a cup of tea brewing and the laptop fired up because, as anyone familiar with the voyage books will know, one of the unexpected benefits of long distance singlehanded voyaging is the most wonderful and vivid dreams.

I didn’t recognise the Queen at first – not since she was made of glass – and so when I bumped into her (quite literally, was pushed into her in the crowd outside the Savoy) there could be no doubt because she was wearing a small golden crown. It was most noticeable against the wine-red glass of her face and her vivid blue glass dress.

She was just straightening up as if someone had punched her in the stomach (unlikely if she was made of glass) and although she looked at me, her face was expressionless and, I am horrified to say that I didn’t react either.

However, I was immediately buttonholed by a typically pompous palace aide who informed me (in tones which suggested there must be some mistake) that I had been appointed as advisor to Her Majesty.

I must have said I would think about it or some such because, practically choking on his indignation, he blustered something about it being a mystery why I had been offered the post in the first place. I rather enjoyed replying: “Ah, well now, it doesn’t really matter what you think, does it? Because I haven’t been appointed by you, have I? It’s rather more a matter of what Her Majesty thinks of me.”

All the same, I made a mental to bone up on who was who in the Palace hierarchy.

Buckingham Palace turned out to be a maze – not figuratively, but literally a maze: All the doors and walls were painted the same deep magenta and you could walk into any room and find yourself in a completely different (and unexpected) situation.

Mind you, that still didn’t explain how I was woken in the middle of the night by someone poking me in the ribs – and there was Her Majesty kneeling on the bed (in the flesh this time, and a very pretty young woman she was in her voluminous white nightgown leaning over the snoring Duke of Edinburgh and hissing: “I hope you realise that’s the King you’re lying next to!”

This time I was truly flustered. Babbling apologies, I shot out of bed – and then had to apologise all over again because I had called her “Your Majesty” which you’re not supposed to do after the first meeting. After that, it’s “Ma’am”.

I found my way back to my own room, telling myself that this was something I must never divulge to a living soul. It would be the ultimate brownie point. One thing I knew the Queen valued above all else was discretion, and if this got out, she would know about it in a flash.

Equally, if she did not get to hear about it, she would know I could be trusted – and that would protect me from any number of pompous flunkies.

It was just such an aide who looked down his nose at me later that morning and said: “Ah yes, Mr Passmore – an interesting CV… and I believe you have a quote-unquote ‘blog’. I shall have to read it.”

I had no doubt that the Queen had already read it – the question was, whether she had also read my one novel Trident, written in the 1980s but set 20 years into what was then the future, and featuring a monarch who the reader would assume was to be the then Prince Charles (with his young Queen – obviously Princess Diana). I was certain she would have read it, along with everything else.

I know this because at about that time, I really did cover a Royal Tour to Hungary. On the evening set aside on these occasions for the Royals to meet the press (effectively the foreign press – they are only too familiar with the British Rat Pack), I found myself suddenly presented to Her Majesty. Casting around for something to say, I seized on the little-known fact (little-known to me, at least) that the streets of Budapest had doubled for 1930’s Paris in the Maigret television series. I knew this because it was in the briefing notes prepared by the Palace Press Office.

“Yes,” said the Queen. “I know.”

Twenty miles short of Santa Marta the wind fell away and then settled as the gentlest headwind and I spent the rest of the time alternately motoring, castigating myself for motoring, attempting to sail but making hardly any progress, and then switching the engine on again.

As a deliberate distraction, I poked away at all the little green plus signs on the Navionics chart. These are comments left by users. Sometimes it’s just a depth sounding or a “good holding” comment but one of them turned out to be a veritable treasure trove. There must have been twenty or thirty extended reviews of the Santa Marta Marina and virtually all of them were wildly enthusiastic (if you ignore the coal dust from the commercial port or the williwaws blasting 35kt winds through the berths between November and April).

However, all of these people were visiting to explore the interior or leave their boats while they flew home. There was only one report of boatyard work, which was said to be ridiculously overpriced. The reviewer suggested people should push on to Cartagena.

Of course, this set me off down a rabbit hole, checking the distance to Cartagena, working out how I could send a text warning the family of the change of plan.

But then, what if the boatyard in Cartagena turned out to be no good? Heaven knows when I would find one in Panama, and I could hardly sail back against the wind to Santa Marta again.

No, better to check in, get a quotation and, if necessary, do some more research on facilities in Cartagena. Also, in Colombia, you don’t just go through the tedious and expensive check-in procedure once, but each time you enter a new province – and Santa Marta Marina takes care of all of that free of charge.

I could visit Cartagena by bus – stay a couple of nights. It would be an expedition. Also, I had vague notions of doing a month of intensive half-days at the Babbel language school there. But now I’ve discovered Michel Thomas’s audiobook course, maybe I won’t need to.

Meanwhile, somebody wrote and complained that The Voyage #1 ended too abruptly when I arrived – that they would have liked to know about the first beer in a waterfront bar etc…

I got into Santa Marta Marina at lunchtime full of plans for a very cold beer because I’d turned up the fridge to save electricity, only to have the marineros who took my lines tell me that I wouldn’t be able to get off the boat until the immigration departments had processed my visa.

And that wasn’t until eight o’clock at night.

Meanwhile, do you want to know the best thing about a cold beer in Colombia? It comes in a proper 330ml bottle and costs $2.30.

Aruba, delightful as it is, has a tourist economy, so they put a particular tax on alcohol (I paid $60 for a bottle of whiskey!) Even the the local Balashi beer which the bars serve in silly little 200ml bottles costs $7! An ice cream is $8!

So don’t you believe everything you hear about small boat cruisers in tropical climes “living the dream…”

Book links:

The Voyage #1 (4.5 stars): https://amzn.eu/d/4quFrCb

The Voyage #2 (4.8 stars): https://amzn.eu/d/cwDBADA

 

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